How to annoy 1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage." 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..." 5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. 7. Speak only in a "robot" voice. 8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. 9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub." 10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. 11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 12. Sniffle incessantly. 13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. 14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." 16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." 17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training." 18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace." 19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot." 20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol. 21. Practice making fax and modem noises. 22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss. 23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. 25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person." 26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." 27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control. 28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment. 29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. 31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice. 32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." 34. Drum on every available surface. 35. Staple papers in the middle of the page. 36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates. 37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings. 38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks. 39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places. 40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. 41. Set alarms for random times. 42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon. 43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving. 44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise 45. Honk and wave to strangers. 46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange. 47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. 48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies. 49. Wear your pants backwards. 50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. 51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!" 52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. 53. only type in lowercase. 54. dont use any punctuation either 55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 56. Pay for your dinner with pennies. 57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. 58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question. 59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps. 60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories. 61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." 62. Light road flares on a birthday cake. 63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. 64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency. 65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador." 66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. 67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained. 68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One." 69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read. 71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it. 72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. 73. Drive half a block. 74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. 75. Ask people what gender they are. 76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray. 77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl. 78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes." 7 9. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. 80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. 82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. 83. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a." 84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed. 86. Wear a LOT of cologne. 87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing." 88. Sing along at the opera. 89. Mow your lawn with scissors. 90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!" 91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend." 92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. 93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." 94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture." 95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. 96. Never make eye contact. 97. Never break eye contact. 98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn. 99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results. 100. Make appointments for the 31st of September. 101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties. 102. Ask if anyone has change for a nickel. - Saying over and over again: ready, ready, ok, ready, ok, ok, ok, ready, ok, ready. (sjmw1129@aol.com 8/12/01) - Chewing gum like a cow. (sjmw1129@aol.com 8/12/01) - Hold out one long note for about 5 minutes. (sjmw1129@aol.com 8/12/01) - Finding something that squeeks and squeek it for a long, long time. (sjmw1129@aol.com 8/12/01) - Chew gum with your mouth open, making smacking noises. (lila668@aol.com 8/11/01) - Follow someone around with a can of Lysol and spray EVERYTHING that they touch and repeat everything that they say in a "Cold" voice (y'no, like if the person said, What are you doing? You say... Vat ah yooo doig?)' (knxfans@optonline.net 6/3/01) - When typing, only use your pointer finger. (nnysinsanity@aol.com 5/30/01) - At a family gathering, wear a bunch of spikes to avoid the hugs from Aunt Gretchin. (nnysinsanity@aol.com 5/30/01) - Say very abstract things like pigeons right in the middle of something serious. (sflynn@voyager.net 5/22/01) - Order an ice tea, and when your put in your sugar, get a spoon and stir it rapidly while hitting every side of the glass, keep doing it for about 5 minutes. (debbby88@hotmail.com 3/29/01) - When talking to a 800 operater insist that they are gay and then ask them for a date. (bcorwin01@atl.mediaone.net 3/24/01) - Stare at someone until they look back at you, then look away. Repeat, repeat, repeat. (janelane3@chartertn.net 3/24/01) - Glance behind you about every 2 minutes. (janelane3@chartertn.net 3/24/01) - Go into a fancy restaurant and look at the menu extensively. Ask what the special is. Ask the waiter to explain everything on the menu. then order a pair of pants. When the waiter says they don't serve pants, jump out of your seat yelling "no pants? what kind of a restaurant is this?!" and storm out. (lamont@mtco.com 2/22/01) - Put mustard in the shampoo bottle. (apw8@aol.com 2/20/01) - Repeatedly pick at other peoples hair and put the pinch in your mouth. (cahall3@bellsouth.net 2/18/01) - Go down to a video rental shop and go through there entire video catalouge asking "Do you have that in Betamax?" (andrewbenham@freenetname.co.uk 1/21/01) - Sing the same song over and over and over again. (Riddick1111@cs.com 1/7/01) - Repeatedly remind people that you like carrots, and if they say anything, just repeat it, but with another noun, like: "I like monkeys" (sailorisabella@aol.com 1/4/01) - While playing Monopoly, keep reminding everybody that you have a certain property, even though they dont want it. (sailorisabella@aol.com 1/4/01) - In the supermarket, ask the salesperson where you find something that is right in front of you and when they tell you where to look, continuously look on the shelf just above where it is. They'll eventually get really pissed off! (pdavies@vtown.com.au 11/15/01) - Sing only one line of the chorus of a really crap song over and over saying you can't remember anymore words and when someone gets really annoyed and tells you the words, keep getting them muddled up. Believe me, it gets annoying. (pdavies@vtown.com.au 11/15/01) - Move the entire contents of your desktop under you desk. When your boss asks you why you have done this, inform him that, "It's safer down here." (jmcgrath@genuity.com 10/3/00) - Answer the phone "Hello is John there?". (cornflakeofdeath@hotmail.com 9/30/00) >From sk8r1@email.msn.com , 9/9/00 - Go up to everybody and say "i am a purple antelope.", then stare at them questioningly and turn around without saying anything else. - While in school, tell every teacher a different way to pronounce your name or go by different names so that when they talk about you, they won't be able to agree on who you are - Make weird popping and singing noises into the form of a sentence. - Start saying an interesting sentence to somebody and don't finish it. (ex.:i couldn't believe when that girl actually!) - Make bird noises constantly and if people ask (or tell) you to stop, reply by cocking your head to the side, making more noises, and attempting to peck at them. - Write a long note or email to your friend(s) and tell them that you are very mad at them and don't want to talk to them and say that you can't believe that they would back stab you like that, then when they ask you about it, give them the silent treatment or if they send you an email back, don't reply . - Go to those websites where the people tell about temselves and leave their email address and email them telling them how you remember the third grade and how you guys got in a fight and you could never forgive them . - Wear all black to school or work or wherever one day and when people stare at you, make a gurgly screaming/growling noise and stare at them like you're going to kill them. - Call someone and say hello, then acted stunned for five seconds, act as if they called you... (cybrwolf@usmo.com 7/6/00) - Call up family members, disguise your voice, and try to sell them something. (Cookie2266234@cs.com 6/24/00) - When driving down the road honk at every car that passes you. (Jenzi2@aol.com 6/12/00) - When a person has something to tell you, but won't or changes their mind, take a deep breath and say "tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me" repeatedly until you run out of breath. Then, take another deep breath and continue with "tell me tell me tell me tell me." Do this until the person tells you!! (trinababy@yahoo.com 5/28/00) - Repeat all the ways to annoy people over and over again. (SnOwEaTeR182@aol.com 5/26/00) - Next time someone at the office asks for change for a dollar, pull out a dollar bill and rip it in half, hand the half of a dollar to that person, and say that wasn't so hard and walk away. (Don573110@gateway.net 5/22/00) >From anemone23@hotmail.com , 5/19/00 - Walk stealthily around supermarket aisles, checking for bad guys around corners with your imaginary gun, humming "Mission Impossible." - Set up full-scale wars with the army men at Toys R Us that take up the whole aisle (or wrestling matches with action figures)! - Cower on the floor and cover your ears every time they make an annoucement over the intercom at work, the store, etc. - When someone talks to you, keep peeking behind them, stifling a laugh the whole while. - Give EVERYONE bunny-ears with your fingers. - Tell everyone the same story over and over and over... as if it was the first time. When they remind you that they've heard it, ignore them and keep right on going. - "Tag" everyone you pass in the hallways at work, then run for it. - Wear big fuzzy slippers to work every day. Better yet--go barefoot. >From Leaky711@aol.com , 5/17/00 - Ask for the aisle seat on a flight so "your hair won't get messed up" - While someone is sleeping, wake them up and ask them, "Hey, what are you doing?" - Use your MasterCard to pay off your Visa, and vice versa. - Drive to work in reverse. - Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages. - Stare at people through the tines of a fork, pretend they are in jail. - Make up a language and ask people for directions. - Replace the filling of a Twinkie with ketchup and put it back in the wrapper. - Sing along at the opera. - (For women) When a man asks you if he knows you from somewhere, (provided that you don't want to talk to him) tell him yes, you are the receptionist at the VD clinic downtown. - Be happy, happy, happy about EVERYTHING!!!!!! -- (Damills21237@aol.com 5/16/00) - Greet everyone on the elevator with a firm handshake and ask if anyone has chicklets. -- (stu63@earthlink.net 5/14/00) - Stand near a busy street and just stare up into the sky. -- (stu63@earthlink.net 5/14/00) - Go to your nearest dollar store and ask for multiple price checks. -- (stu63@earthlink.net 5/14/00) - Staple papers in the middle of the page. -- (crayola20@hotmail.com 4/17/00) - Ask people what gender they are. -- (crayola20@hotmail.com 4/17/00) - Page yourself in a public place and do not change your voice. -- (sublimeis1@hotmail.com 4/14/00) - Try clicking a pen every five minutes and then saying its the last time. (DennisJH@worldnet.att.net 3/31/00) - Walk into a library and pick a random book open and close it quickly. Then say that was a good book. (DennisJH@worldnet.att.net 3/31/00) - Smack your lips like that freaking kid on the welches commercial everytime you take a drink of anything! (romeclone@home.com 1/29/00) - Bring phone books to the movies and sit on them to block peoples view (eatinger@erols.com 10/23/99) - Leave tissues dipped with mayonnaise on the floor. Tell your roommate's friends that he or she is disgusting. (nakatsu@localnet.com 10/23/99) - Go to disney movies in a theater and sing all the songs in the movies. (larmac@nb.sympatico.ca 10/10/99) - If you can, make a kinda long, annoying e-mail signiture, Like mine. It should look kinda like this: dddddddddd aaaaaaaaaa nnnnnnnnnn llllllllll iiiiiiiiii ssssssssss 0000000000 (danlis0@go.com 10/7/99) - ALWAYS ALWAYS make eye contact with a person who you are talking to. If you don't move your eyes from making direct eye contact, it will anoy them and/or freak them out. (danlis0@go.com 10/7/99) - Build snowmen at other people's houses that look real nice, normal and cute, Then at your house, Have a war and have snowmen parts lying on the road, and when a car drive over a "wounded" one, scream extremely loud like you were being driven over by a car. (danlis0@go.com 10/7/99) - Whenever someone talks to you pretend you're meditating. (eisalden@shaheer.net.sa 9/30/99) - If you really want to annoy people say 'what?' after every sentence they say. When they start ignoring you say you're going to stop saying what. Then say 'Why?' after every sentence they say!! (eisalden@shaheer.net.sa 9/30/99) - Constantly interrupt someone with something that makes no sense. (elye@cei.net 9/27/99) - While talking to someone stare at the middle of their forehead and move your head around without losing the middle of their forehead (cee@camano.net 9/26/99) - putallyourwordssquinchedtogether (lt_steve@email.msn.com 9/20/99) - Save your toenail clippings, and put them in plastic bags for all to see. (rusty_rose@webtv.net 9/17/99) - Try taking the photos out of the frames and turning them upside down and returning them. (cheryl@visionsell.com.au 9/4/99) - Hide the remote control in the freezer saying you wanted to save it for later. (cheryl@visionsell.com.au 9/4/99) - Put on a Christmas pageant where you play every character. (cheryl@visionsell.com.au 9/4/99) - Read over someone's shoulder but read ahead. Out loud. (renisja@aol.com 8/20/99) - After someone says something to you respond by saying either "I'll be the judge of that." or "Thats what you think." You decide. (danandcarol@doubleagents.com 7/20/99) - Look over someone's shoulder while he/she is typing something on the computer. Then mutter about how awful it looked loud enough for them to hear. (renisja@aol.com 6/14/99) - When somone is talking to you smile and nod though the entire convesation. (susandesigns@earthlink.net 4/25/99) - While at walmart throw things over the isles into another and make army battle sounds while doing it..its so funny! (oxxorach@aol.com 4/22/99) - Loudly call someone over and ask for the bathroom when standing right in front of it, and when they try to tell you interupt them complaining of how badly you have to go. (engrussb@teleport.com 4/20/99) - Finish people's sentences for them. (sladed@shsb.essex.sch.uk 2/22/99) - Say their name after every sentence you say. (michael.krystiniak@cwix.com 2/17/99) - Nod your head and agree to everything somebody tells you no matter what it is. He he. That will get them annoyed!!! (pmwill@hurontel.on.ca 2/15/99) - You refer to yourself as "The Holy One", and expect everyone else to do the same. (SunnyD9790@aol.com 2/14/99) - Say this over and over again untill they scream! It's garanteed to work!: "Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a hole. I died there. There was lots of rats. Rats? I hate rats! They drive me crazy! Crazy, I was crazy once. They put me in a hole. I died there. There was lots of rats. Rats? I hate rats! They drive me crazy! Crazy.........you get the idea!" (rtaurino@home.com 2/12/99) - Pretend you have an animal in your arms and 'pet it' and 'talk to it'. (talybe@aol.com 2/12/99) - Drive 45 mph in a 55 zone...then when the speed limit drops to 35, continue doing 45. Watch everyone still try to pass you. (gregcox@usa.net 1/17/99) - Build snowmen in the middle of the road. and chase after the car who ran it over screaming. (evlhomer35@hotmail.com 1/5/99) - Tell people to call you "your Majesty." (jobeck@uswest.net 12/5/98) - Bark occationally. (jobeck@uswest.net 12/5/98) - Hum contantly. (jobeck@uswest.net 12/5/98) - Eat half a potato chip and put it back in the bag. (twinkles@frontiernet.net 11/16/98) - During a conversation, say,"Do you know what I mean?" after every single comment/remark you tell the other person. ......ugh. I met a canadian over a vacation trip who would not stop saying that, especially with her accentto go along with it, to me during our conversation. I just wanted to scream, YES, I KNOW what you mean. How annoying she was!!!!!! (vasiliki98@hotmail.com 5/19/98) - When in your friend's car, repeatedly push all the buttons on the dash and shift the car into neutral, insisting that you are saving them gas and electricity. (tuckerta@acc.wuacc.edu 5/13/98) - Ask everyone why they hate you. (tuckerta@acc.wuacc.edu 5/13/98) - Repetitively tell your friends about your favorite TV show, which also happens to be one they hate. (scully95@aol.com 5/2/98) - Before getting off an elevator press all the buttons. (makayno@email.msn.com 1/29/98) - Go to your neighbors house every day and ask if they have a gallon of cream cheese you could borrow.(makayno@email.msn.com 1/29/98) - Walk onto a crowded elavator and walk over and face a corner or wall without saying anything. (JEFlischel@aol.com 1/9/98) - Walk onto an elavator and say the names of the floors loudly as they come up and ask if this is anyone's stop. (JEFlischel@aol.com 1/9/98) - Laugh out loud every time someone finishes a sentence. (Palmlady@gte.net 12/31/97)